Reputation

I learn the first day how to tie the bow
in back. Just eighteen, I have to earn
enough for text books, Tampax--every

thing my scholarship stops short of.
I learn to smile, smooth my apron in
the breakroom glass. Make no mistakes. . . .

On break, some of us girls--even Mabel,
well gone gray--sweeten our cleavage
with a dab of Arpège from the perfume

counter on the second floor, where ladies
finger cashmere before popping in
to lunch. We plunk down salads, a bald

ball of cottage cheese. They sharpen
their nails on someone's reputation. . . .
Then I learn the other girls whisper

how I'm taking their ticket to life.
Some college missy--too high-falutin.
I want only to be loved. . . . I learn

to balance three plates down my arm.
Learn not to blink when sharp-nosed Opal
Whelan doles stations out like sticks

and carrots, my name ticked again
for Table 8, where steam and rattle
lurch out in the bus-boys' arms. I learn

to Know My Place. Then I make
the mistake. You take a break, others
cover--wipe your table, stow the tip,

separate. . . .That day I rush Mabel's
Table 5, forget. At closing, Whelan
gathers all the girls, asks out loud

Where's Mabel's money? Red sweat jumps
my neck. How much was it? I can't
remember, don't know how to cover.

They watch me over table knives--
college girl who doesn't know the value
of a dime. I blurt 50 cents. Whelan

says I saw it, a dollar. I pay, too plain
ashamed to own up I forgot. . . .Mabel
would be over ninety now. I know why

she'd remember me, her shoulders stiff
from hoisting trays. . . .Every time I slide
into a booth, I check to see who's

ticked for me. Say thank you when my
sourdough's been warmed. Cut the new
girl a long yard of slack, leave the biggest

tip I mercifully can. Hover at
the wait station, two hands full of praise.
Four-bit scar still burning on my heart.

*Judith H. Montgomery's poems appear in The Southern Review, The Bellingham Review, Gulf Coast, and Northwest Review, among other journals, as well as in several anthologies. She's been awarded prizes from the National Writers Union, Americas Review, and Red Rock Review. Her chapbook, Passion, received the 2000 Oregon Book Award for poetry. Her first full-length collection, Red Jess, appeared in February 2006. Her new chapbook, Pulse & Constellation, will appear from Finishing Line Press in June 2007.